Feedback-27: Difference between revisions
From Buddha-Nature
(Created page with "{{Feedback |fbDate=2020-01-31 |fbEmail=Marcus@tsadra.org |fbPageCommented=Discover |fbContent=Melvin McLeod: I looked most closely as the beginners' area, because that's where...") |
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{{Feedback | {{Feedback | ||
|fbName=Melvin McLeod | |||
|fbEmail=Marcus@tsadra.org | |||
|fbDate=2020-01-31 | |fbDate=2020-01-31 | ||
|fbPageCommented=Discover | |fbPageCommented=Discover | ||
|fbContent=Melvin McLeod: I looked most closely as the beginners' area, because that's where we work a lot. I do think the language of the introductory paragraphs is too complex---some long sentences and paragraphs that take real work to follow. I urge you to look for simple, declarative sentences, at least in the initial paragraphs. Then it can become more complex. My suggestion is to model this section after the kind of language Mingyur Rinpoche uses in the Lion's Roar piece you feature. I think the emphasis here should be on simplicity, clarity, and accessibility. | |fbContent=Melvin McLeod: I looked most closely as the beginners' area, because that's where we work a lot. I do think the language of the introductory paragraphs is too complex---some long sentences and paragraphs that take real work to follow. I urge you to look for simple, declarative sentences, at least in the initial paragraphs. Then it can become more complex. My suggestion is to model this section after the kind of language Mingyur Rinpoche uses in the Lion's Roar piece you feature. I think the emphasis here should be on simplicity, clarity, and accessibility. | ||
Aside from perhaps making the beginner material clearer and punchier, they're all pretty minor. Congrats on a great job. | Aside from perhaps making the beginner material clearer and punchier, they're all pretty minor. Congrats on a great job. | ||
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|fbCategory=Editorial | |||
|fbPriority=High | |||
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Latest revision as of 13:18, 31 January 2020
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